Karmic Happenings at the Beachfront

I’m appealing for help from the interweb community and particularly those who specialise in ancient rituals or kharma. I need to know whether there is any great significance in being covered in dog slobber. In a restaurant. Where there shouldn't, by rights, be any dogs - especially huge ones.

I’m being serious here because yesterday I was singled out for a karmic happening. Yeah man, Kozmik. Or it might be bloody scary, depending on what sort ancient proverbs are covered by the scene I am about to describe.

Let me set the scene. I am in the Takapuna Beach Cafe to have lunch with a friend of a friend who is a publisher. His name is Josh and he is going to very generously allow me to pick his brains about publishing in the hope that it might be useful.

The cafe is very busy with the inside tables and those out on the expansive deck full of people. A happy buzz is in the air and it is a stunning, sunny afternoon on the beachfront.

Suddenly I see it. A horse-sized dog, sort of like a St Bernard with coat like a lion. It races along the deck and in through the doors that are opened onto the deck. This monstrous animal has been racing around on the beach and his mouth is foaming – the muzzle thick with slobber that hangs down in huge, glistening stalactites.

Out of all the people in that packed cafe, who do you think the dog chooses to set his radar lock onto. Who do you think he lopes straight up to and into whose lap does he stuff his face?

That’s right, me.

HE BLOODY CHOOSES ME

By the time I’ve shoved this abomination of an animal away my hands are also covered in thick drool, spittle and slobber. 

The owner of this animal is particularly lucky that I was expecting company at any minute because I would have tracked them down and had a not-so-quiet word.

Is this karma? Does this event have a greater significance in the grand scheme of the universe and all that?

I need to know whether there is an ancient Chinese proverb that covers this situation.

Something like “man in restaurant chosen by dog to slobber on will receive many riches and be very wise with untold beauteous virgins at his service.”

But knowing my luck it’s more likely to involve the shrinking of genital organs and enlargement of the arse.