Life’s Great Characters

I got hooked on gamefishing a few years ago. It’s an addiction and I remain disappointed that we only get a couple of months a year in NZ to have a crack at these hard fighting pelagic fish.

But I also agree with the description of gamefishing being hours of boredom interrupted by minutes of extreme, adrenaline-fuelled excitement. Buty there is another side to gamefishing that many overlook - the hard case fishos you get to meet and spend time with. When you’re dribbling along trolling lures, livebaiting or whatever, you get to spend hours yarning with some of life’s great characters.

Here then is a collection of character traits I’ve witnessed as we idled away the hours in the cockpit watching the lures popping and weaving.

The screamer
Totally unable to control himself, the screamer fires up as soon as there is a strike. Generally ramps it up further when there is a fish actually hooked up. The veins in his neck pop out, he goes red and the language gets bad. Very Bad. This has the effect of frightening the crap out of everyone on board so they have no idea what to do or when to do it. It just becomes one big freeze moment.

The Gaffer
Starts attacking the water with the gaff as soon as the fish is within 20 metres of the boat, foaming the surface to a frenzy. By the time the fish is alongside, he’s so buggered he can barely swing the thing at all. Definitely a person to stay clear of – at least one gaff-length clear, unless you fancy some new body piercings.

The pisshead
Has trouble carrying his gear on board with the weight of the pallet of beer he’s stashed in his bag. Sits next to the cooler all day, slyly reaching in and the regular fzzt of beer tops being undone wafts in the air. Belching and trips to the duckboard become more frequent. There’s a good chance that, even if he does get attached to several hundred pounds of angry fish and he is able to remain upon his feet, the whole exercise is going to end in tears.

The analyst.
Sees gamefishing as an intellectual exercise. Reads more into a sea surface temperature chart than you or I would find in the collective works of Shakespeare. Spends countless hours trying to outwit fish that have, in fact, only got a brain the size of a pea.


The electronics freak.
Not for him, normal marine electronics – a good chartplotter and echo sounder. This person is likely to have his eyes glued to a laptop computer which is interfaced to the depth sounder module, the GPS aerial and running MacSea, Globalmapper and SST charts. Cunninger than a weasel in cunning mode, this unit puts out info that gets the electronics freak barred up and leaves the normal among us totally flummoxed. Does he catch more fish? Sometimes.

The Rowdy Bugger
Believes Gamefish are attracted to music played at warp 12. For some reason this person believes that marlin are really into Bob Marley reggae or banjo music. “Dueling banjos, man, 200kg blue for sure.” When fishing on this boat it’s impossible to talk – so the words “something is scaring up the baitfish over there” or “look a freejumper” are likely to be lost in a 120 decibel blast of “Lively Up Yourself.”

The newbie
Wringing hands. Generally has a selection of lures culled from bargain boxes, trademe and others’ cast offs – along with a mere 200 or so others purchased at full price from various emporiums whose salesmen are rubbing their hands in glee. The newbie’s life is ruined by doubts over whether the hooks are sharp enough, that bimini twist is tied right and that the swivels will hold up under the punishment an angry marlin will deal out when it’s finally hooked. This person can become a pisshead under the right circumstances … or even an electronics freak.

The cheapskate
Outriggers made of bamboo, Penn 9/0 reels rescued from the bottom of the old tractor spare parts pile at his mate’s farm. Boone lures purchased from the Kaiwaka Annual Church Jumble Sale and Pig Grooming Competition. Nylon and leaders were an incredibly good buy on Trademe (can you see where this is going readers?). Against the odds, and because Fate has stepped in, he hooks a 300kg Blue Marlin and the result is carnage as the reel drag locks up, the “very good buy from the bargain bin” rod holder snaps and the Blue disappears over the horizon trailing a $3 lure and 200 yards of 15 year old monofilament..


The Swearer
Was born close to and spent formative years near a fishmarket. The minute any fish activity is seen the swearer bellows a tirade reminiscent of a gang member who’s stolen Harley has been re-located by the police. Often the same as the shouter – has the effect of galvanising all on board to freeze and stuff up anything they touch. Try to get into a stand up gimbal belt and harness while the reel is screaming and the swearer is raging – you suddenly find your hands have ten fingers each and they are all the size and dexterity of coke cans.

By the way, those listed above are in no way related to the people I fish with regularly. Not at all.